Words that Made this Grown Up Mama Cry

The Summer-Camp Bus Pulls Away From the Curb
by Sharon Olds

Whatever he needs, he has or doesn't
have by now.
Whatever the world is going to do to him
it has started to do. With a pencil and two
Hardy Boys and a peanut butter sandwich and
grapes he is on his way, there is nothing
more we can do for him. Whatever is
stored in his heart, he can use, now.
Whatever he has laid up in his mind
he can call on. What he does not have
he can lack. The bus gets smaller and smaller, as one
folds a flag at the end of a ceremony,
onto itself and onto itself, until
only a heavy wedge remains.
Whatever his exuberant soul
can do for him, it is doing right now.
Whatever his arrogance can do
it is doing to him. Everything
that's been done to him, he will now do.
Everything that's been placed in him
will come out, now, the content of a trunk
unpacked and lined up on a bunk in the underpine

light.

We All Deserve a Second Chance

Especially if we get off on the wrong foot to begin with.

That was the case with Melissa Bank's Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing. It really didn't have a fair shot with me. I mean EVERYONE was raving about it and, quite frankly, overselling it and all that. When I read it, I was left unimpressed. I just didn't understand all the hype.

So, I had an opportunity to acquire it cheaply and decided to reread it. Maybe I missed something. I don't know if I am at a more focused point in my life that I could pay better attention to it, or what. But I actually liked it a lot better the second time around. She really captures the loneliness of dating and the loneliness that can creep into a relationship. There are some really good lines. So good that I wished I had marked them. But those of you that know me know I would never write in a book - that's vandalism!

Life's too short for me to go back and re-read books that I didn't love the first time around, but I guess I had a feeling. I certainly won't re-read anything I loved. I would hate to not have the lovely first impression that I had. Kinda like finishing a great meal with all the flavors still swirling on your tongue and you make the unwise choice to try Joe's dessert or taste Marla's coffee. It's ruined. That pleasant closure to you dining experience derailed. Forever.

My Little Easter Bunny

Pull Up a Chair and Stay a While

I think it's interesting that if you are pregnant, most HMOs will only charge one copay (that of your first appointment diagnosing your pregnancy) for the duration of your 'symptom'. When that 'symptom' is over back you go to paying for each office visit. So, with my insurance, it only cost me $15.00 to obtain prenatal care and deliver Emerson (via c-section, mind you).

In any other instance, I will required to make a copayment for any doctor visit no matter if I am seen multiple times regarding the same symptoms, diagnoses or treatments. Isn't that interesting? So, while it could be challenging to be ailed by more than one thing at one time, it can actually be a cost savings. Especially if your course of treatment cures you after that one visit. It's convenient too as you will have fewer trips to the ol' Doc.

Case in point: Yesterday, I was diagnosed with a double whammy - Pink eye and strep throat. Nice combo don't you think? I mean you have the nasty breath of an infected throat and the freakish red eye that would be perfect looking if only it were Halloween. Alas, it wasn't and here I was at urgent care at 7pm waiting to be seen.

It had started in the wee hours of Tuesday morning when I woke to my left eye gummed closed by leakage. I got up, pried my eyelids apart and noticing that the whites of my eyes had been replaced with a bright blood red hue. I chalked it up to one too many nights in a row sleeping with my contacts, yanked them out - after much tearing (that's whaah whaah, not rip rip) and struggle I got both out and safely in the trash and got my weary bum back to bed.

I arose at 6:30 a.m. only to find that my eye was no better and still pretty runny. No pain though, it just felt tired and it was just my left eye (hmmm, does TLC want to reunite?). I got ready for work and off I went. Comments were made throughout the morning and a few wonderful folks offered me drops and hand sanitizer. Their motives clearly mixed. The slight lump that was felt in my throat was gathering size as the day progressed and my eye was not looking better.

While attending an offsite event for work late Tuesday afternoon, a colleague of mine (higher on the totem pole than I and really a minor acquaintance) saw me and and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and that I thought I had pink eye and would be seeing my doctor tomorrow. He craned his neck down and closer to me to get a better look. He asked me to take off my glasses and while it seemed strange, he had a familiar way about this and I obliged. As he reached for my face, I made a pronounced shift. "You know I am an eye doctor, don't you?" Relief. "I figured as much considering you have had the greatest interest in my eye of everyone today."

Shortly thereafter, I made my way to my car and was en route home when I continued to be bothered by my throat. At the next stoplight, I took a look in my vanity mirror and sure enough - signs of infection. I detoured from home and made my way to urgent care. After about one and half hours time I had my diagnosis and my prescriptions. God love a ZPak antibiotic.

Now just more than 24 hours later, a day of rest, eye drops every four hours and my meds, I am on the mend. My eye is still red, although fading. I should be able to approach tomorrow with far less scrutiny from others.

Thank goodness the weekend is just a couple of days away.

Emerson - Toddler Cruiser

The Beauty of Words

I am a latecomer to poetry. I realize some never make it there (just like I never made it to Shakespeare or Milton and thus a major in English Lit never materialized). However, early, tardy, or hours late, I developed a liking and there are a few poems I have come across that are worth sharing. The first will be in this posting and it's a most dazzling poem by e. e. cummings. YES, it's the one that Maggie (Cameron Diaz) read to Rose (Toni Collette) at the end of In Her Shoes, but the chick flick based on chick lit should not negate it's beauty.

i carry your heart with me by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Lyrics I am Loving Right Now

The songs are great too...oh and these are just segements not the whole song...


Home to Me by Josh Kelley

Cause' its you that I'm runnin to baby
It's you that I'm feelin for lately and
It's like a pain that never goes away
and it always starts today

Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me
Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me




Light Up My Room by Barenaked Ladies

If you question what I would do
To get over and be with you
Lift you up over everything
To light up my room, my room

The Power of Marketing

It's quite possible that I have taken things too far. It started with a simple invitation. Brightly colored and addressed to me, not RESIDENT. I mean, it was personal and it was only supposed to happen once.

But then another invitation came. Another dance. And now I am getting hand written cards thanking me for my recent purchases and checking into see how I am enjoying my new tote and attache.



What's a girl supposed to do when Coach offers her 25 percent off all fall AND spring purchases? First it was gloves and a wristlet (see right).





Next it was an attache and large tote (how totally freaking great is my white tote?). Consider me stylishly accessorized. Damn, thos marketers! I am powerless to their advances.

...Now if only my clothing were as up to date as my leather goods.

My Little Green Thumb

Taken today at 9 a.m.

Lara's Must List for April

April Musts (No Foolin'):

Read
The Feast of Love by Charles Baxter

Watch
American Idol on TV
Junebug on DVD
Failure to Launch on Screen

Listen
Dog-Eared Dream by Willy Porter

Practice Makes Practice

We all are works in progress, aren't we? Fortunate are those that realize this and seek to improve the areas in which they can gain the most return on investment? I am no different. I am not so unique.

That brings me to bring to you one of my personal development obsessions: Planning and Time Management. It presents itself in the procurement and attempted consistent use of a personal planning system. A single system by which I can document and record all personal and professional happenings and occurences. Behold my current system!

Current. That tells you that I have dappled with other planning systems. And I admit it; I have been a bit of a planner junkie. The Libra in me needs it to be cute and functional. So this time I opted for the pretty blue leather binder and the complementary Leadership inserts. The me in me needs to fill it out every day, consistently to gain all of the benefit of total organization.

Herein, the problem lies. I see myself as a planner using, task writing and checking, date placing maven. I just can't seem to execute that. Not every day. Not even really regularly. "They" say (you know, those experts) that it takes 21 days to create or break a habit. So with this knowledge, I am attempting a lifestyle change. One that consistently takes planning into account. Every day. Every single day.

I really think that with a little discipline, I can accomplish this. Just to show you how committed I am to my new goal, let's look at today. As you can see (kind of - the image is pretty small) I have my meetings in the calendar section noted and a manageable task list of which I completed most items.

Color me proud. Today was a very good day. Today is the day I will start counting to 21.

Wish me luck.

Random Acts of Blogging

• I got my brows done on Tuesday and I swear I look like a movie star (even if no one else thinks I do). It's amazing what one little bit of pampering can do to your mindset. I get my hair cut and colored on Tuesday and I am going to squeeze a pedicure in this weekend. Extreme self care is a major goal for this year.
  
• I need to get in the mindset that exercise is a form of self care.
  
• I keep falling asleep early and in front of the tv. Why can't The Office be on before My Name is Earl?
  
• Tomorrow is errand and friend day. Oil change, Costco (dipes and wipes), gocery store, and maybe the car wash. I also get to see my dear friend Ali and participate in my first Movie Club night - Harold and Maude.
  
• I have the cutest kid in the world. And his audio clips on his blog prove it. ;)
  
• I hate rude and condescending people.*
  
• I love Sugar Ray and Mark McGrath has a great cover of Ghost in You on the 50 First Dates soundtrack. I am listening to it while I blog.
  
• I just couldn't get into Jarhead but am enjoying my second stab at A Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing. I need to hurry and finish it so that I can pick up my Book Club's April selection.

That's all. I too tired to write any more.

*Wait, p.s. Karma RULES. Trust me.

Sexy Serenades

I keep reading blogs and I keep getting tagged. Claudia has a post on sexiest songs, so I guess it is my turn.

1. Let's Get it On by Marvin Gaye. Should be self explanatory. If you don't think so, download it and listen for yourself.

2. No Ordinary Love by Sade. Fantastic beat for smooooooth moooooves.

3. Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band. The lyrics will get you every time.

4. Sadness (Pt. 1) by Enigma. If you are in for the night, this is it.

6. With or Without You by U2. Love/hate never sounded so good.

Gosh I HATE That Song

In visiting my new best friend's blog, I was tagged and am pleasantly forced into sharing with you all my top 5 most loathsome songs. Here goes...

1. Red, Red, Wine by UB40. This song is like nails on a chalkboard for me. It probably doesn't help that I am just not a fan of UB40 in general. If I had to name their sound, it would be nasal-infused pop.

2. You're the Inspiration by Chicago. When the guy you are dating says, "We need a song." and just picks one, consider paradise (or the honeymoon phase) over. I can barely listen to any Chicago just by the mere fact that this song was armwrestled into being 'our' song.

3. The Macarena by Los Del Rio. Totally annoying. And not just because I can't do the line dance to it.

4. What's Up by Four Non Blondes. There is a reason this group was a one-hit wonder.

5. Anniversary by Tony! Toni! Tone! Lyrically, it's quite possibly the dumbest song ever. Ever.

The Drought Has Ended

It's been 143 days of no rain, and finally, the spell is over. I think it started in the wee hours and we have had a nice drizzle most of the morning.

What a great day for curling up with a good book and a blanket! Except that I have a toddler. So, I will take advantage when he goes down for his nap.

Could also be a great day for a Starbucks run. But, really now; what day ISN'T good for a Starbucks run?

I'm Bulking Up

I have asked my team at work to read a book, Now Discover Your Strengths (which you will notice in my What I am Reading Now list of my sidebar). The book proposes that we acheive the greatest potential and can succeed the most if we nurture our natural talents rather than focus on improving our weaknesses.

I am also reading it and this past weekend I took the online assessment provided by purchasing the book. This assessment, known as the Strengths Finder, helps you identify your 5 greatest talent themes, which if nurtured, will provide the greatest opportunity for success - because they are the areas you are naturally, intrinsically good at.

Well, I have to say that this book and the assessment are both very interesting! If you are interested in personal development, I highly recommend it. So, after taking the assessment (which is arranged through the Gallup organization - lahdidah), I was told my greatest themes, in order, are:

Communication: People strong in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.

Harmony: People strong in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don't enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.

Consistency: People strong in the Consistency theme are keenly aware of the need to treat people the same. They try to treat everyone in the world with consistency by setting up clear rules and adhering to them.

Adaptability: People strong in the Adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow." They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.

Positivity: People strong in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

There are 34 themes they account for and these are my five. Not bad, eh? But all 34 are really cool sounding things. So now, I get to spend some time figuring out if I am utilizing these themes in my work, and if not, figure out how I can.

A Bizzaro Thing Happened on the Way to My Sunday...

I learned that the Wheel of Fortune Bus was parked out at one of the casinos on the outskirts of town. And they were taking applications. And it meant I could try out for one of my favorite gameshows. And it seemed, for just a moment, that I might live out one of my crazy life dreams (that and being an Oscar winning actress - which isn't too likely at this point) of being on a gameshow and winning oodles and oodles of cash awards and prizes.

I threw on my best suit and my mom and I took off leaving Emerson and T to do guy things for the day. It was about a 30 minute drive there. The Parking Gods were looking over my shoulder and we got a spot just steps from the audition arena, I mean tent, I mean handling area. Mom and I wove our way through what seemed like rows and rows of looping aisles only to stand right behind a couple of hundred people who were also waiting.

The stage was rather simple. The wheel was upright and listed prizes like t-shirt, hat, blinky pen and Wheel Pack. As it turned out, contestants didn't actually spin the wheel. That task was managed by Marty, Wheel of Fortune's Traveling Road Show host. The board was operated manually by a perky, fresh-faced and well-toned Heidi (aka Vanna) and instead of lighting up the letters as they are called, Heidi had write on, wipe off spaces that she used to spell out the words. Truth be told, it lacked the glam and glitz I was expecting.

A local news affiliate was there broadcasting weather updates and shots of all the lunatics trying out for Wheel (present blogger included). After standing in line for about 30 minutes we were told by some production staffer the drill.

1. There would be 3 'shows' that day.
2. We had a chance to 'appear' on the shows by filling out an application.
3. Each 'show' was marked by a different colored application.
4. Our group was waiting to participate in the 11:00 (or yellow application) group.
5. Once our applications were filled out, we would continue weaving through the makeshift aisles, drop our yellow applications into a yellow box and make our way to the 'studio audience'.
6. Marty and Hiedi would run the show which would consist of pulling applications out of the box, 5 at a time, and completing speed rounds.
7. Folks who were lucky enough to have their names drawn were considered auditioning from the time their name was called. So in other words, you'd better be PUMPED UP from that time on.
8. They would go through as many speed rounds as they could in one hour (approx. 30 people) and then they would have two more 'shows', at 12:30 and 2:00, respectively. Each of these subsequent shows were assigned a different color and if you wanted to try out - back in the line you went, filled out another application and herded your way through for a CHANCE.
9. Now, it is important to note: having your name called didn't mean you would be on the show. Participating in the speed round did not mean you would be on the show, winning or losing the puzzle did not mean you would be on the show. The folks with Wheel were looking at the total package.

So, they would check you out and if they liked you, they would take your information and e-mail you in a couple of weeks and have you come back for another tryout. If they still liked you, you then went to LA for a third and final tryout. A lot of trying out for something you may not get.

You've prolly figured with all my rambling that neither I nor my mother were called up to the stage. It was a shame too, because we are just as good and enthusiastic as the folks that were (moreso, in fact). And, GET THIS! A husband and wife were each picked for different speed rounds within the same hour! How random and totally unfair is that.

As the last grouping of 5 made their way to the stage, I turned to look behind me to see how bad the line would be if we wanted to consider 'trying out' for the 12:30 show. It was significant. I loooked at mom and said, "We'll, it was fun and we have a memory. I'm ready to go." She agreed and departed from our small little dream, we did.

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures - Movies

In response to Cynthia's post of Guilty Pleasure Movies, I am going to prepare my own list. Guilty pleasures are hard to define - especially if you aren't embarrassed by anything. However, I think a guilty pleasure implies that you should feel guilty (even if you don't). I also think there has to be some sort of cheesiness factor associated with it. That being said, here are my cheesiest of cheesy, guilty pleasure movies.

1. Scary Movie - Parody on scary movies. Cheesy, low-brow, all around perfect guilty pleasure.

2. Booty Call - The whole movie is about two guys trying to kick it with some ladies. Totally stupid, totally cheesy and I am embarrassed by how much I liked it.

3. The Naked Gun - The best quote should suffice:
[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

4. Clue - There is no logical reason why a board game could be a movie, but they tried. It got horrible reviews, but I loved it! Tim Curry is fabulous in this!

5. Bring it On! - Kirsten Dunst leads the pack in this campy flick about competing high school cheerleading squads. Best part is when the white girl squad tries to rap: "Yo! Yo! Yo! Wassup? Wassup? It's time to get busy, so let's kick this shit and knock the C.K. off your face. "

Emerson at Rest

My little angel.

Rambling

Totally random rambling...

• Has anyone seen the similarity between Coldplay's Green Eyes (from A Rush of Blood to the Head) and anything by Wilco (when Billy Bragg is fronting)? Try Wilco's California Stars. Listen closely. There is a real likeness in sound of voice and sparseness - is that even a word? Trust me.
  
• I am really worried that Maroon 5's sophomore effort won't be as good as the first. Despite the fact that crazy bigtime debuts often don't have follow up efforts that garner the same kind of success as the first, I just think Adam Levine is spending too much time playin' the ladies of the biz, and maybe needs to spend a little more time in the studio.
  
• The Office is crazy funny. I watched all of Season 1 this past weekend. Okay, so it's only six episodes and without commercials that's only 20 minutes per. But laugh out loud fun I am telling you.
  
• What's going on with Jen and Vince's new movie, The Break Up? First it was scheduled to release in Feb. Then in April. Now, I can't find it in my Entertainment Weekly Spring Movie preview. What gives?
  
• My brother sent me a totally cool link for this online game where you try to stump the computer and pick a dictator or sitcom character. You then answer questions and the game tries to guess who you are thinking of. If you want to try it, be my guest: http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html. I stumped the chump twice.