This Never Happens

But it happened to me.

I am on my lunch hour today, running into a store to see if I can find a swimsuit for my upcoming annual gal pal trip to Mexico. I figure if I confine the swimsuit shopping experience to a limited timeframe (under one hour) the pain will be shorter and the whole process can go from start to finish in a blur.

I walk into the store, admittedly not paying attention because I am annoyingly talking on my cell phone and trying to put my shades in their hard, protective case before tossing them in my bag. I hear, out in the periphery...

"Miss?, Miss? MISS!"

"WHAT?" I say startled at the angry tone I assume a sales clerk is directing toward me.

"Take this. I bet you can use it." Her lips scowl as she shoves a mangled piece of paper into my hand. She then storms out of the store.

It's a coupon. For the store I am entering. And it's 40% off a single item. Hmmmmm. I hang up the phone and dart for the swimsuit rack.

Only one looks moderately appealing off the rack, so I find my size and take it.

Miraculously, it looks good on even in the horribly lit dressing room. Hey that's good enough for me. I look at the price tag and it's $90. NINETY FREAKING DOLLARS.

I grab the coupon and start deciphering the fine print. Surely, the suit won't be covered. It will fall under one of the caveat categories as a special edition item. So, I walk up to the register and ask.

"I don't know if it's covered under the coupon," The so-pregnant-she's-about-to-burst sales clerk says.

"The suits are already discounted right now, so it probably won't take, but we can see."

I figure that's good protecting-herself language.

So, the initial ring up knocks $26.00 off the price which accounts for the discount the suits are currently under. I then hand her the coupon and as the red light glows over the coupon's bar code, she smiles. Another $25.00 comes off. Reducing the swimsuit by $51.00!! NO WAY!

Way.

I said to the clerk, "What's even more crazy, is I walked into the store 35 minutes ago without that coupon. Some lady shoved it in my face, forcing me to take it!"

"Oh yeah," said the girl. "She was pretty pissed off that we wouldn't discount the capris over here. But you know, they are a red star item and the coupon clearly excludes red star items."

When does the coupon ever include the items you are wanting to buy?

Today.

Today, it includeded them.