Time waster

If it's not Facebook, it's some game on Facebook that is stealing a lot of my time lately. Okay, I am allowing it to steal my time. We all have the same 24 hours each day made available to us and I choose to spend a fair amount of time playing Bejewled and damned if I am not at the top of the weekly leader board!

The art of being blonde

Every eight weeks I subject myself to foil and hot air to maintain my naturally chemically enhanced locks. It's totally worth it.

Buddies

This cool-as-a-cucumber-on-the-first-day-of-kindergarten mom is a blubbering mess day 3. My first a.m. drop off and I have no idea where I am supposed to park. E has me on a bit of a wild goose chase going through the neighborhood away from the school when I snap out of it and realize I am taking directions from my 5 year old who doesn't know where he's going. I flag down a school crossing guard who kindly directs me back to the lot I started to park in, but had initially hesitated. My anxiety is up as his Dad has already alerted me that breakfast is a bit chaotic, a lot crowded.

Chaotic and crowded is right. I feel like a giant hovering over what seem like hundreds of babbling boys and girls. As we make our way over to the cafeteria, E is met with a round of smiles and "Hey!". from several kids that don't look familiar to me, but he obviously knows. The breakfast line is pretty uneventful and he's able to type his passcode into the keypad at check out with just a little help from me. Once in the the cafeteria, two boys rush over and sit with us. A (now he's a boy I remember!) is a sweet boy and was a bit quiet at the start of last year. He was in Kindergarten when E started preschool and now he's a big-time first grader who can show E the ropes. A was much more chatty this time around, happy to tell me how much he loved his Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and smiled as he poured his chocolate milk over the crunchy squares. I grimaced elaborately and said, "Ewww, that looks gross." In total seriousness he looked up at me and said, "No it's not. It's really good."

I asked the three of them if I could take their picture and they happily obliged showing off, acting goofy, having fun, not a care in the world until E looked across the table at me and said, "Mommy! Where's my backpack?"

CRAP. It was in the car.

I looked at the Dad of the other boy, and asked if he would be there for a minute with them and I ran out to the car. When I got back, the boys were wrapping up and ready to go to the playground for the first school bell.

"Let's go, A!" E urged.

"I can't. I have to go back and get my backpack from the room." A replied.

E hesitated.

"It's okay. I can meet you guys on the playground," A assured him.

They scooped up their trash and we headed out. It was amazing the number of children on the campus. How quickly I have forgotten how crazy a campus can be. I was trying to just take it all in and the experience caused me to actually catch my breath.

The big clincher came when a gaggle of more big-time first graders clamoring for a piece of him on the playground surrounded us. They were so excited to see him. It was already a routine of smacking high-fives, hugging, hoarding secrets and running out onto the field arms grabbing and dragging one another all the while. I stood in amazement, wrestling with pride, comfort and a bit of angst as they laughed and talked over one another, poked and prodded and behaved like such boys.

I watched from afar and saw E in a new light, one of more independence and one that was fast forwarding way too quickly, splashing a whirlwind of images of what's to come. I almost felt frozen in time, while everything was spinning madly on. Abruptly, I was snapped back into reality when the friendly smile and cheerful greeting of one of the mother's of E's preschool friends walked up and gave me a hug; I hadn't seen Christine since the end of Spring. And that's when it started and came on fast--big sloppy tears and a heaving chest.

"My goodness, what's wrong?" Christine asked.

"Oh, nothing," I sobbed. Yes, sobbed. "This just all hit me. Right here. Right now. And I was fine on Monday; really I was."

She consoled me and offered such nice words of encouragement. She has two boys and has been through this with her older son. It was like she was in my right place at my right time. I was able to regain my composure and blow a kiss to E before heading out. It seemed I would never make it out of the school. The path was littered with children ages 5 - 12 all coming toward me, as though I was going the wrong way on a one way street.

I was almost to my car when I saw another preschool mom, Jennifer. Another safe and friendly face on this overwhelming day and the floodgates opened again. I was able to recover more quickly this time around after a good hug and agreement to catch up over lunch or Starbucks.

I ambled slowly over to my car as the events of the day replayed themselves in my head. I got in and just sat there savoring the quiet, the morning madness fading. I sat in there and cried. I sat in there and reflected. I sat in there and smiled and had an a-ha moment: This journey of his--our journey--of growing up and growing out is happening right on time just as it's supposed to.

Inside joke

In order to maintain my loyalty, there's nothing I can really say about this.

Big Day!

It seemed to never get here and yet, how the hell is it already time for my baby to be in Kindergarten. He was excited to start, a little cautious and slightly concerned he wouldn't be able to nap (surprisingly, since he hasn't napped at home in over two years).

The school was crawling with kids and parents and Mrs. D's class was no different. We found a hook for his backpack and spotted his place-setting at one of the tables. I was able to snap a few pictures before he had his fill and said, "That's enough Mommy."

His Dad and I were able to squeeze in a hug and kiss each - I can't even imagine the day when he will cringe at that - and we left the classroom taking in the moment. Another step forward in our collective journey raising this little boy, giving him the confidence and foundation to be successful at whatever he chooses. If that choice was to be made today, it would be a baseball player with the name of Dr. David Banner.

Here are some additional photos from the day...

A New Find: America's Tacos

All of America should be so lucky to have such a place. Their lard-free beans and carne asada street tacos (with house-made guac and carmelized onions) are muy deliciosa! Thanks to Claudia and Judy for the introduction. I will be returning.

Top Chefs

E loves being a help in the kitchen. He's becoming quite the egg cracker, whisker and scrambler. All this considering the first few years of life he wanted nothing to do with eggs. Now eggs are common place on the weekends and he even requests them for dinner.

What Up, Dawg?

A green pool, that's what. And while it makes for a nice contrast and pretty picture, the pool is officially closed until we can figure out what's going on.

Ahoy Matey!

ARRRRRRRR you ready for Kindergarten? As I walked up to E and his dad for Meet the Teacher night, it almost looked like E had a black eye. Fortunately, it was washable paint as part of his preschool class party and face painting today. Mrs. D thought the painted on patch was rather impressive and had a nice rapport with our little pirate. He's pretty excited for his first year of school.

I am too.

No More

My best friend thought this Project 182 thing would last 5 weeks before I gave up. I will have officially made it past her prediction this week and I am going strong. I love the challenge! Some days it is obvious what I will document; whereas others seem to unfold where I am not quite sure what will fall into my viewfinder. But something always does. Despite my enthusiasm for the project, it appears to be taking a toll on one of my oft-used subjects.

We'll see how easily I let him off the hook.

Gourmet Grill, Part Deux

This is as vegetarian as I will go. Spinach, mushrooms, zucchini, yellow squash, with EVOO and balsamic vinegar. Melted swiss and a little hummus spread on each slice of bread. Delish!

No, You Don't Know What YOU Are Talking About

I commented tonight that we bought the wrong markers for first day of school. Convinced I "don't even know what you're talking about" (E's new favorite thing to say to me) he says, "Mommy! We HAVE washable markers. I know where they are."

He disappears for about 5 minutes and comes back with markers for fingers, seemingly growing from his hands like branches. I had to snap his picture. Within seconds of the flash, the markers plunged to the floor in a magnificent splay of color.

His grip was impressive. I am not quite sure he could do that again.

And, for the record... they were not the right kind of markers.

When Spam is a Good Thing

Apples to Apples is my new favorite game where you try to define a word a player is asking you to define. Trick is, you are limited to the words in your hand to define it.

It's totally subjective and generates a lot of laughter, pleading and persuading. Case in point: My brilliant move to define "Offensive" with the definition of "Spam". It has several, if not all of the key elements of a perfect game. I will even go so far as to say If you don't laugh when you play this you don't have a sense of humor, or you are dumb, or both.

For really.

Rolling into August

There was more falling than skating, but E had a great time at buddy S's 5th birthday skating party.

Seems Like Old Times

It was a rare occasion - my friend Deejah and I both having the same day off. We took advantage and met up at an old favorite lunch spot, King Gyro, to dine and dish. Deejah introduced me to the mom and pop shop when we worked together at TriWest. She has since moved on, but fortunately our friendship has continued to flourish. We see each other frequently, sharing a love of our kids and all things entertainment. We swap book and movie reviews, single parenting tips and lots and lots of laughter. Oh, and fabulous meals too. King Gyro may just have the best grilled chicken and tatziki sauce in town.

Addicted

This summer I have been sweet on tomatoes. Even though we can't get the best here, the mouth-watering, plump, drip-down-your-face kinds like you can along the road in more rural, farming communities. But this batch came close.

My mom went down to Willcox to meet some college girlfriends for a bit of a reunion. Back with her came a small bag of these home-grown beauties and I too was reunited with a perfect treat.

Sweet Treat

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels and nothing beats a McDonald's vanilla cone. 150 calories and just 3 Weight Watchers points. Yummo!

Gourmet Grilled Cheese

I am not a cook, certainly not a chef, and for sure no gourmet! But this grilled cheese with tomatoes, spinach, cheddar, swiss and mustard was quite good. Gourmet tasting, even. Well, almost.

Someone Else Can

It's a common occurrence: The weekend is so jam-packed that I can't even get to the grocery store and we are kicking off the week with dinner out, day one. Who am I kidding? I have never loved going to the grocery store, and I can easily not make it there. But since joining Weight Watchers, I have been food shopping more frequently and found myself going through a brief spell of eating out withdrawals. Given a choice, E picked a family favorite in Zoe's Bistro. The smile lasted through our tasty dinner and we went home to a clean kitchen.

Big-mouth Buds

An impromptu conversation led E and I to meet friend and Auntie Judy for dinner at Pei Wei. Dinner got off to a rough start when the servers brought the adult fare first, leaving E grumpy and impatient. Judy helped lighten the mood and bring a smile to the Crankapatomus' face. The oranges didn't hurt either.

Pretty Piggies, Poolside

My feet are so hot, they just have to cool down!

Flower Power

What I am digging now.

Courtesy of my Silpada jewelry party with gal pal Amy.

Summer Goodness

Tomatoes, extra virgin olive oil, minced garlic, fresh basil, s&p. Doesn't get much better than that.

My Little Splashapotamus

Every Wednesday I have an appointment after work and E gets to go over to Gramma Kathy's house for dinner and hang time. Imagine my delight when I drove up and saw he and Gramma moving the hose and my instant idea for today's picture. You don't have to imagine his delight at my request, it's here for the viewing.

Cloudy Reflection

It's hotter than H-E-DOUBLE L and this is magnified by the daily cloud cover we are experiencing this week. Also magnified is my view through my rearview.

First Crush

I think it was love at first taste. He can't appreciate the bottle (mainly because I had to thicken it so that he could safely consume the orange fizzy goodness that is an Orange Crush), but the color, coldness and coolness of this drink was enough to satisfy this kid who is always one step ahead looking for the next cool thing. Retro, or otherwise.

Gorgeous

My favorite flowers at my friend Amy's house. This was the setting for a lovely jewelry party open house. We had a delicious menu of gourmet food that only required assembling, no cooking or heavy lifting. Because Amy is cool like that.

Drunk with Laughter!

The number of times I have seen this movie is irrelevant. If you haven't seen this movie and you can handle what happens in Vegas, then jump in on this comedy masterpiece which is destined to become a cult classic. Yep, you read it here.

The (frozen) Fruits of My Labor

3 lbs. of cherries + 2 crates of blueberries + 1 cherry pitter (aka PaperMate pen cap) / an overnight in the freezer + thawing leisurely at my desk = the perfect mid-morning snack.

Frankenberry

I love summer. Not for the brick oven pizza we all feel like here in the desert, but for the simple pleasures. Hanging out with friends and family, relaxing, fresh fruit and the random surprise hiding in the middle of a crate of perfectly delicious blueberries.

Which Hand Is It?

Tonight, E and Gramma Kathy were playing games and doing tricks. After Gramma stumped him with a guessing game of which hand was holding the rubber band, he was ready to try and fool her. Only problem? Here's how he started the line of questioning. We had to catch our breath from the laughter to explain he gave everything away.

Sweet boy.

Just finished. Just started. Coming up. (In artistically pleasing order)

Just Finished: My Sister's Keeper. It was my first Jodi Picoult book and I thoroughly enjoyed the read, despite the serious subject matter. It was one of few books that have made me cry and jolt up from my reading spot in utter surprise. Unfortunately, the movie did not yield the same response.

Just Started: April and Oliver is a debut novel with a lot of good buzz swirling around. It sounds like a perfect summer read and will be the first I review for my friend's online pop culture magazine. I am really excited by the opportunity and flattered by Allan's offer to contribute. More to come on that.

Coming Up: Then Came We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris. My second planned review and a book I have been anticipating. Thanks to the 'rents for placing it in my hands.

Oh Happy Day!

Today, TriWest Healthcare Alliance was awarded it's third consecutive Department of Defense contract to manage the healthcare needs of military personnel and their families. It was a historic day for our company and the country. The only incumbent to win one of three contracts, it means we can continue to do the great work we do, as a leader in this market. Here I am in the Communications Command Center hugging my monitor (which displays our official news release) after distributing the good news.

Aw, shucks!

We kept our cool today, hanging at the mall and by the pool. And a cool thing happened: E shucked his first ear of corn!

Served with grilled barbeque chicken and salad (courtesy a la Uncle Scott), the corn was crisp and juicy. And, just sweet enough that it didn't even need any butter.

Mmmmmmmm.

Splash!

It was a full day with a trip to the Science Center with good buddy David and celebrating a birthday with pal Jason at Hubbard Family Swim. A full day and a full camera of pictures to choose from. Tough as it was, it wasn't hard to see the pure fun in this one.

Slick

Our back patio, after a thorough hosing down by E.

Sneak Peek

Just a perfectly timed photo on an early summer evening.

Kick board Love

Tonight was E's last swim team practice. The close of a six-week stint that has been fun, if not a bit tiring. I am not sure if he loved it. Although, clearly, these unposed turtle kick boards did.

Well, I know that he liked the practices and not the meets. He enjoyed the coaches and the almost 45 minutes of practice swimming he got each night. His freestyle and backstrokes improved, and he even started doing a little butterfly. During the two meets we attended, he had a tendency to swim in slow motion, eschewing any real competitive nature, yet still encouraging me and other parents the cheer him on.

I guess he saves the rivalry for our nail-biting games of Sorry! where I hear, "Oh YEAH baby!" when he's drawn the perfect card to send my guy packing back to "Start" and he knocks the token off the board with a solid shove.

X-ray Vision

The good news: No fracture.

The bad news: Tendonitis in my dominant hand.

The Deal: I have been experiencing pain in my wrist at times (not all the time) when I put pressure on it. I thought it could be the long over due aftermath of an injury sustained when E and I took Sammy for a walk and the always-docile-other-dog-friendly-dog went nuts when we approached a man with three little yappy dogs ridiculously all on a single, three-pronged leash. The Sammy-going-nuts incident was due to the the yappy dogs getting all worked up being tied up so close together and having their own version of The Real Housewives of New Jersey (a reality show I actually don't watch) snippy-snappy infighting as we approached. It was this DRAMATICAL scene by The Real Annoying Dogs of Moon Valley Park bitch-slapping one another that got Sammy worked up and barreling into them to join in, while knocking me down in the process. But enough doggy drama. The dogs were all okay and so was I, or so I thought.

Well, it turns out I really am okay and I am suffering from Tendonitis.

The causes COULD be:

1. Too much typing. How am I supposed to do my work, update this blog or maintain an intriguing Facebook status without typing?
2. Too much texting. Really? I thought that would be the diagnosis for a 13 year old, and while I know I hardly look a day over 18, surely I am not texting so much as to cause TENDONITIS!
3. Continually lifting E onto things or off of things in an apparent effort to preserve his legs for catalog modeling or to be my only form of strength training that I can fit in during the day. Well that, or a combination of the three, resulting in this X-ray, a splint, and a prescription to take so much Ibuprofen I could be arrested on drug charges.

Blech. And yet, I keep on watching

He's a slime ball.

She's lacked better judgment.

It's a totally manufactured show.

There won't be a proposal in the end (or one that won't last).

And yet, I continue to watch. In fact, I haven't missed a single season of ABC's The Bachelor/The Bachelorette. It's something of which I am committed to and horrified by.

Yes, I am a Bachelor/Bachelorette addict.

My name is Lara and I can't let go ABC's "reality" train wreck.

Delightful!

It was my day to myself - a day each week that I have really come to cherish - and I had decided to get together with some girlfriends for lunch at Houston's and to see Away We Go. I got to the restaurant early in hopes of sitting in the shade, reading a few more pages of My Sister's Keeper and waiting for my friends. There were only two problems with this plan:

1. It was over a 100 degrees at 10:40 in the morning.
2. Houston's isn't open at 10:40 in the morning.

I saw staff milling about, getting ready for the day and I decided to chance it. The beads of sweat were rapidly forming; I had no choice. I pushed on the door and it was open.

Ahhhhh. Air-conditioning!

I stood in the entryway and waited. A hostess came up to clean the podium and asked if she could help me. After our exchange I learned that they didn't open until 11, but she would go ahead and seat me. This was in spite of the fact that I didn't have my full party with me - a previously heavily enforced Houston's seating policy - and they wouldn't be joining me until 11:30. The recession and heat have worn even the diligent Houston's staff down, and I think that's a good thing.

It was nice to have my choice of seats, especially at a place that can command crowds that elicit more than an hour wait during peak times. I chose upstairs, along the row of windows. Jazz played over the sound system, servers and chefs hustled and I was offered an ice cold beverage (Diet Coke with lime) to sip while I slipped in a few more pages. My gal pals started arriving shortly thereafter and we noshed on delicious burgers, baked potato soup, roasted artichokes and key lime pie.

Fast forward... and the reason for this particular Project 182 picture...

I had wanted to see Away We Go and was pleased to see the reviews had it Away We Going beyond the local arthouse theater and onto more screens (a very good sign). The movie was simply, delightful. A talky movie that is great for romantics at heart. It sweet without being sappy, quiet without being boring, and chock full of a quirky and charming supporting cast. Away We Go won't win any awards. It won't beat any box office records. It's just a sweet little film for a blisteringly hot summer day.

Hairy Potter

I really would have expected the photo of the day to be a traditional 4th of July type picture - E in his annual tee, some of the delicious roasted tomatoes I made (thanks to having read the divine My Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg), or of E swimming at Tia and Scott's (an annual tradition). But when all was said and done, it was this picture that took the top prize.

And, because I can't resist. Here's the best of the rest...


E sportin' Harry Potter specs and Bozo Nose (Thanks Gramma Kathy!)



A boy and his dog




These slow-roasted tomatoes were AMAZING (Kudos to Molly Wizenberg for providing the delish recipe in her book My Homemade Life)



CANNONBALL!

A Spontaneous Splash on a Hot Summer Day

A day off that started with a long sit at the car dealership while my oil was changed and the technicians were checking into the squeak and moan of my steering wheel and the declining power in my keyless remote. E asked no less than 20 times if he could have one of the doughnuts in the waiting area and an attractive guy struck up a conversation and directed us to the healthier fruit tray around the corner. We made our way out after a two hour wait and headed to the store for some fresh produce and ingredients for a homemade lunch.

The planned highlight of this day free of work and summer school was meeting up with some friends to see Ice Age 3 in 3D. En route to the theater, we literally ran into Tia Claudia... what are the chances?... and met up with Deejah and her daughter in front of the box office. The kids couldn't wait to put on their 3D glasses and were willing to actually share a kids pack of popcorn and candy. E certainly doesn't get his willingness to share food from me.

Third row seats kept their eyes glued to the screen and a number of unfortunate spills by previous patrons kept our feet sticky-stuck to the floor. The movie was good (even though or especially because it afforded me a 15 minute nap). On our way out we couldn't detour past the video games but were successful in not doling out cash for tokens. We parted and headed to the car, the sun beating down on our skin. Man, it was hot.

As we approached the outdoor fountain, we heard squealing children and laughing parents. It wasn't long before E looked up and said, "It's hot mommy. Can I go in the fountain?"

Normally, I would say no. He's fully clad in street clothes and it's going to be impossible to get him out of it once I open that proverbial door.

But, I went against the grain and said, "Sure honey. But only for 10 minutes. Promise?"

"Promise!" he gleamed.

He was cautious at first. The denim shorts and t-shirt had to be a slight deterrent. He stood near the water sprays as they shot up from the ground.

"Go on, get soaked!" I hollered.

With that confirmed approval, he jumped right in.

It was a completely impromptu moment. One that brought unadulterated fun into our day, not to mention a perfect smile... a perfect laugh... a perfect moment.

And, a perfect picture.

Late Start

I shouldn't be starting my day after 7, but that's the rut I am in right now.

Half-Assed is Still a Big Deal

So there's this fun, cool, intense, creative online photo project known as Project 365, where you take a picture every day of the year and upload to a place like Flickr and share your photowares in an online community. I have been intrigued by this project for a couple of years and made myself promise I would do this in 2009. Then 2009 came in with the usual uneventful fanfare of another year and I realized on January 12 that I missed the start. As friends and family can attest, I am a stickler for rules and process and formality and all that crap, so I let the notion pass. Plus, while cool, there's a big commitment to it and one for which I have obviously vacillated. But then I had an idea. An idea that would work in my rules-based head.

I could do this project for half the year.

It would be half the commitment and perhaps half-assed in the minds of the die-hard, repeat offender Project 365-ers. But more my style considering I have competed in in two half marathons which I enjoyed and one full which I abhorred. So, half-time, half-assed seemed wholly perfect.

I googled "What day is the exact middle day of the year?" And the answer was July 2, in a non-leap year. And then the challenge started to sink in and I started thinking.

Thinking about how busy life feels. How I am not sure I can manage all that I have chosen, or what has chosen me. And yet, this daily commitment to picture taking, selecting a single image to represent the day and subsequent blogging seems like an opportunity to slow down, an opportunity to capture the every day moments that when not paying attention can feel mundane or routine and are, in actuality, the sum total of this life.

That realization resonated with me in a way that was equal parts calming and disquieting. Contemplation continued. I posted the idea on my Facebook wall and got a lot of positive feedback (including a willing partner in Deejah), and I found myself making a commitment to both my friend and myself.

I am not entirely sure I need any more challenges right now, however, I do know that I need to create something. I have the urge to capture perspective and catalog the journey I am on. And for those reasons it feels like a good thing to do.

Here I go...

Practice Meet - An Exercise in Controlled Chaos

There had to be 200 children there tonight. The pool was absolutely teeming with people and E was thrilled I brought his swim shirt.

"I am not sure if the place hosting the meet is outdoors, and I don't want you to get sunburned."

"But even if it's indoor Mommy it's okay for me to wear my swim shirt." He acknowledged with a tinge of comfort.

I took a deep breath and we worked our way through the crowd. My purse, camera bag and E's tote bumped the heads of many a child as we navigated the compact area. I was apparently the only working mother in the lot, or the only one not smart enough to leave work more than an hour early to change for the outdoor meet and bring my own chair.

E was eager to jump in the pool, but I hesitated. I wanted more information and to get my bearings. Fortunately, right at the moment E might have broken down after his 49th request to get in the pool, the swim school owner spoke to the crowd. He explained the under sixers would warm up and then the adults would head into the gym for an info meeting. It was all a little overwhelming and yet contained. Somehow.

E warmed up with the others and joined me for the meeting while the 7 and olders did their warm ups. The swim team would work like an actual swim team, children would ribbon, based on time, but were not required to go to meets or stay at them for their entirety - especially the younger ones - realizing that the experience is long and a bit intense.

Relief.

And, while there was some competition, this was supposed to be fun. The coaches were committed to it and the parents should be too. The owner even said his kids used to swim so they could get every ribbon. Some meets, the goal was actually 5th place.

Relief, part two.

By the time the info meeting was over, it was time for the under sixers to swim their first practice meet. Girls went first and E left his lane line up and cut through the crowd to get to me.

"Mommy, I don't think I can do this."

"Oh, sweetie, of course you can! I watched you in practice last night and you were great!"

"I just don't think I can do it."

"Can you try just one race? I don't care if you win your race - I just want you to have fun and try your best. That's all I want you to do. Can we try one?"

Hesitation.

"What if I come over and stand with you and your teammates until it's time for you to swim. Would you like that?"

He nodded and grabbed my hand. Back we went, fighting the crowd, fighting to find our place. I engaged his lead coach for some support and she did a great job encouraging him. She also found a spot for me where I could watch him and he could see me when it was his turn. After what seemed like forever, he was pushing off the side of the pool and tackling his first freestyle race.

Try his best, he did! He was steady and straight and made it to the end. Fifth place for a first timer, who was swimming against some 6 year olds on their second swim team, made this mama more than proud and I even got a smile out of the kiddo.

He agreed to go back into the line and await his next race while I stood in a different line to get his ribbon. It was so much to take in. Especially when he decided he was done before the next race, but he couldn't find me. Scared and tear stained, I felt him tug at my leg as I was just about to sit down and look for him. After a number of hugs and kisses and "It's alright... I was here the whole time," we decided to scoot out before the second race.

We celebrated his success over Subway sandwiches and some good bedtime stories. He's ready to try practice again tomorrow; but, we may go easy on the meets.

And that's just fine with me.

Self Consciousness: The Early Years

Tonight, E started his first-ever swim team.

The schedule had me tired at registration: Three nights per week, from 7:30 to 8:30 p.m. and meets on Thursdays at 6.

He's five. And, while I don't want to push him, the exercise, camaraderie, teamwork and individual effort are good things to start instilling. An opportunity to give him a taste of success, commitment and follow through and the heartbreak of defeat. Unlike T-Ball, not everyone will win.

Tonight was the first practice. Kids ranged in age from 5 - 13. There were relaxed faces of veterans (one girl was starting her fourth summer swim team), excited looks from eager, unsuspecting ones and looks of discomfort from some, including my little guy who stood in line for the pool with his hand squarely covering his tummy tube.

I called him over and asked him what was wrong, why was he covering his tube.

"Because I don't like having it, Mommy."

Wow.

This is big. Bigger than first-time swim team.

He's had his G-Tube since he can remember and was never bothered by it. He thought it was cool when Mommy, Daddy or Gramma Kathy had to come to school to give him a drink. Now, at 5, it's a cause for concern, embarrassment, anxiety.

"Honey, there's nothing wrong with you having a tube. It's just something that makes you different, and it's perfectly okay for you to be different. That's what makes us special."

"I wish you would have brought my swim shirt." He said, his head drooping.

I have to admit; I wasn't prepared for this. Not now. Not this soon. I mumbled something about him being okay and that he would have a great practice and encouraged him to scoot along to his lane.

He was great during practice and perked up a little.

His freestyle has improved a lot over the recent months and Coach Sean worked with the under sixers on their glide into the back stroke. There was a lot of "Go... Go... Go... Keep moving... Keep moving... Good job!... Good job!" echoing throughout the swim school and I could only help but be a little sad. Nostalgic for the time when things just were and there wasn't a value or judgment placed on being different.

The hour of practice went by fast and we found ourselves cleaning him up in the common area.

"Can we go into one of the locker rooms to dress, Mommy?"

"Why sweetie?"

"I don't want anyone to see my tube."

This time, I was a little more prepared.

"E, your tube is fine. Did you know that I actually think that having a tube is pretty cool?"

"Why, Mommy?"

"Because you can drink water faster than anyone I know! And when you do it? It goes straight into your tummy! While everyone else's drink has to go in their mouths, down their throats, through the esophagus and then into the tummy. With you, it's a straight shot!"

"Oh."

"So, what are the names of some of your swim team friends?" An attempt at diversion.

"I don't know."

"Maybe next time you can ask one of them their names."

"I don't want to Mommy."

"Okay. Let's get dressed and get you home. It's 8:30 and it's late."

He became enamored with the coaches and their process of covering the pool lanes and closing down shop. I struggled a bit to pull him away and sweep him away into the night and home to sweet dreams.

We walked to the car.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I can drink really fast. Faster than anyone because I have a tube."

"That's right, baby. Faster than anyone else."

To be continued...